Songs for my Heart

Today, India Arie is rocking my socks off! She is such an awesome singer!I stumbled across her first song over at Your Daily Dose. Robin is a great writer and her play list is wonderful.  This first song, I think is fabulous for everyone to  hear at least once a day! There IS HOPE!

 Ok, this song is dedicated to my post last week:) But more seriously, it is such a great song to let our daughter’s hear. India Arie is an amazing woman with an amazing voice! I am not my hair and neither are you..you are all so much more!

Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 2 – Punish without anger

Yesterday was day 1 of the Be a Better Parent challenge at Motherhood Uncensored. The first challenge was being present. I tried. I really did try. By the end of the day,I still found myself tuning them out…especially when all of the whining at bed time started going on. I did do pretty good the rest of the day; not perfect, but I tried. I am a work in progress and today as I am doing challenge #2, I will also be incorporating being present. How did you do? I’d love to hear.
Today’s challenge, as you may have surmised from the title of today’s post; Punish without anger! I think this is a hard one for all Moms because normally by the time we actually punish our children, they have been doing something repeatedly and we have hit our threshold. I am not really an advocate for spanking because I got it as a child and I really hated it. It didn’t really teach me anything but to be afraid of the actual spanking . It didn’t teach me a valuable life lesson, other than I don’t like to be hit.So, spanking is a non issue fro me. I don’t advocate for spanking. It never seems to get the result you want. My punishments for the girls usually end up being threats..mostly idle. Yeah, I know, not helpful! I take things away…play dates, t.v’s, toys, events, etc. But when I hit my threshold, the deliverance of the punishment goes something like this… “(ROAR) I can’t believe you just did that.  (BARK) Apologize! (SNAP) Go to your room! (GROWL) No TV for a week! (RAWR!!)” Definitely, not ideal. I am sure that my verbal lashing is as awful as any spanking. ( Hangs head in shame) I hate the guilt of it and hate that I can not control my reactions. I am working on that. I was suggested the Magic 1-2-3 book ( actually I’ve had it collecting dust since Bella was born. I just never thought it would work). Today is the day I read that book and try something new. The roaring and frightening the children is not what I want to convey to them. I don’t want the lesson to be that Mommy is a lunatic. I just want them to understand that bad behavior is not rewarded and that actions have consequences. If any of you have any great ideas for punishing without anger, please share. I would love to hear them.
Today, I take the challenge and while being physically and emotionally present to what they are saying and doing, I will also be reacting with understanding and maturity….or ,at the very least, trying to do so. Baby steps! Baby Steps. I will let you all know how the Magic 1-2-3 works out! Happy Mothering!

Monday Minute: July 2,2010

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Describe your life in one word.

Fantabulous!

Is there something you wish you had learned how to do as a child?
To not hold my frustrations in until it becomes anger. I am learning slowly as an adult.

Who has been the biggest influence on your life?

My parents but not in the emulating them sense but more in the learning from their mistakes.

What is your greatest dream/hope/aspiration?

For me personally, aside from being the best possible role model and Mommy to my girls, my greatest aspiration is to live my life to the fullest of my potential which would include becoming a well known author/blogger by parlaying my daily musings into a career.
But my greatest dream would obviously be what every Mother’s prayer is to have happy, healthy children that live, long interesting lives with respect for themselves and always on the quest to conquer their dreams and exhaust their potential.

Do you believe you have reached your potential? Why/why not?

I know that I have not because I am fully aware that all things are possible and one day I will realize my dream of becoming a well known author/blogger. Where there is a will there is a way!At least that is what I have convinced myself, after all I am my BIGGEST cheerleader!

Be a Better Parent Challenge

I was visiting one of my favorite blogs Motherhood Uncensored and Kristen is doing a wonderful thing. She is starting a 30 day challenge to becoming a better parent. You know me. I can’t resist a challenge and one that makes me a better Mommy.I am so in. So, I have decided to follow along every day and post Kristen’s challenge of the day. Awesome right? I know you want to give it a go.

Today’s challenge; Be present for my kids
You know,actually listen to what they are saying. Many times, we get so engaged in trying to get the task at hand done that when our kids come up to us and start reciting their very long and somewhat drawn out stories or ask us the same question 2000 times, we have learned to tune them out. Much like our husband’s do to us.  I like to think of it as a survival mechanism but really, how would you feel if you were talking and your listener was shaking their head saying “uh huh” but heard absolutely nothing you had said? I don’t know about you, but I, for one, would feel hurt, unloved,and unappreciated. Three things that I NEVER want to be responsible for making my kids feel. There are enough assholes in the world that they will encounter, I don’t want to be one of them. The challenge for today…be present. Listen to what they say, consider their thoughts, and maybe the motives behind the actions. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to take their age into consideration. I often forget that my kids are only 3 and 5, and really at that age, their behaviors are totally appropriate. It is I who is holding them to an impossible standard. Shame on me. Today, I take a really deep breath, I calm down and I listen to what the little mouths are saying….even if it is a realllly , reallllly long ass story. Good luck ladies. I hope you will join me. I think this will make us all better Mommies.

Getting to Know me; Getting to love me

It’s Sunday and it’s time to link up and get to know all of your bloggy friends!Happy Sunday, August 1st! Now let’s get to the sharing!

The Q’s..

1. If you were to win an award today, what would it be for?
I’m not sure. Bella just said for being the world’s best Mommy, Gabs just said “NUTBALL!”. I guess we know who would be getting my award for best kid today:) I’d say maybe for finally realizing that I need to take care of me and trying to do something about it. Biggest Breakthrough!

2. What is your shoe style?

Enough said?

3.  Does your car reflect your personality?
NO, my car is a big blue Durango more of functionality. It’s ok, but if I were driving something to represent me it would probably be 

Sleek, sexy yet totally functional.

4. If you could take over someones body for a day..whose would you choose?

She’s long, lean, strong and sexy

Oh yeah…and beautiful!

5. Love or be loved?
I do enjoy being loved but more than anything I love to LOVE on my girls, the big guy and my family and friends. So, I am going to say love.

6. If you were on death row, what last meal would you choose?
That is easy. It would be my favorite meal that the big guy  makes for me…Turkey and cranberry ravioli in a nice cream sauce, panzanella salad with fresh sweet cornbread, chocolate tiramisu..all from scratch. With a nice chilled bottle of Pinto Grigio! Actually, I may just have him make that today..it sounds so yummy!

7. Have you been on vacation this Summer, if so where?
NO,the big guy is working out of town so we live for him to come home. Though we have been to mini breaks to visit the parents and to Chicago for the day.

8. What is your favorite food related guilty pleasure?
CARBS, CARBS AND MORE CARBS! I could forgo all other food for fries. I would rather work out for 2 hours straight than miss out an a carb.It’s my addiction.

Life is a garden; Update

I shared with all of you the awesome Mother’s Day gift the big guy and my girls gave to me. Well, as I promised, here are recent pics from the ever blooming beauty of my garden of love.

And here are the 3 most amazing people I know! The truest loves a woman could ever know!

FAWK YOU FRIDAY: July 30,2010

Well, Friday is almost over so I’ve got to get my Fawk Yous in. I’ve got a few, don’t we all.

• Fawk you first and foremost to, you guessed it, the bald spot that has decided to descend upon my crown and really mess up my self confidence and my psyche this week. To you, I say FAWK you!

• To the stupid ass, muscle shirt wearing ,drama queen who hosts Ghosts Adventures. Nothing else is on, this douche bag ruins my Friday night quiet time every week..FAWK YOU!!!

• To the movie Remember Me, thanks for taking a perfectly hot Patterson and putting him in the most ridiculously melancholy, unpredictable ending movie ..ever!FAWK YOU…remember that!

• To the nightmare I had with the machete weilding, homicidal maniac, who I walked in on mid way through him carving my baby up like a swine at the butcher shop, as he smiled at me and my baby cryed with her last breaths. You were so real that I woke up terrifed and lost sleep ( Hello! I already don’t sleep. I don’t need this shit!) When I woke up, my breathing was so shallow and labored that I literally felt like I was going to die.Fawk you nightmare! In the end, the macete weilding maniac got what he deserved and so will you nightmare! FAWK YOU, RIGHT IN THE FACE! Nobody messes with my babies!

Throat Punch Thursday: Newborns in Ziplocs edition

 This throat punch Thursday is astounding to me. When I watched the video and read the article, I literally was speechless, can honestly say that I wanted to throw up a little bit and I certainly lost a good sense of humanity in people. Or rather I should say, I lost my faith in humanity. Once again, disappointed by the lack of scruples and regard for human life. Are you familiar with this story? Here is the video clip. Judge for yourself.

Seems in Douai , France the men are a little more oblivious than they are in the United States. Apparently, this woman,  Dominique Cottrez, a nurse, has been married to Pierre-Marie Cottrez for approximately 20 + years . They have 2 grown daughters but she has a little secret. She has given birth 10 times, yet there are only 2 daughters. The math doesn’t add up. And her husband has absolutely no knowledge of her ever being pregnant other than the first 2 times. How oblivious must a man be to not notice a pregnant wife. He said she was overweight so it was easy to conceal. I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that one. Maybe once he could use that excuse or if they had never had a pregnancy together, but 2 daughters and 8 pregnancies later. If he didn’t see, it was because he turned a blind eye. No man is that stupid. The secret would have never come to light had the couple not sold their house. Can you imagine the poor new owners, minding their own business randomly finding baby carcasses in Ziploc baggies while tending the garden. Well, at least that explains all the phantom newborn crying they kept hearing. Seriously, this is not funny, this is sad and disgusting. They are trying to say the woman suffered from a first pregnancy that was “traumatic”. I understand PPD is horrible but to repeat the offense 8 times after giving birth to a second child..what was the difference between #2 and #3?
The babies were born between 1989 and 2006, but their exact birth dates aren’t known.She knew she was pregnant each time, she admitted to it and has said her husband had no knowledge of the pregnancies, births, or the deaths. After the new owners of the house found the babies in the garden, per policy, the police questioned the previous owners and Dominique readily admitted to her gruesome part in the worst recorded case of infanticide in France in recent history. Furthermore, she led them to the remaining 6 bodies buried in the garage.
This weeks throat punch with a Ziploc baggie on top goes to this out of her mind nurse who killed 8 of her 10 children. I seriously think that this woman is insane and most likely dying from the intense guilt, which is probably why she confessed so readily. She was already a mother to 2 children when she started doing this craziness.I can’t imagine what her children are feeling. They must be terrified. The throat punch also goes to her husband, who I believe, has no excuse for letting this happen and in my eyes is a liar. He had to know. There is no way he did not know. Maybe a hard punch to the throat will get his eyes and common sense back into working order. I don’t know what else to say but that I hope karma comes around and gives them exactly what they deserve.

It’s Friday; Dance like no one is watching, sing like the whole world is deaf, and smile until your face hurts!

Happy Friday! Where the heck did this week go? Between the bald spot, the big guy coming home,a giant Mommy Meltdown and general perpetual cleaning ; this week has flown by. I’m ecstatic its Friday.I’m headed out to coffee with one of the besties sans children ( did I mention the Big guys home!WOOT WOOT!). Plus , I got a whole 8 hours of sleep ( unheard of) that’s why my Throat Punch didn’t get posted last night but never fear, I will post it as soon as I return from my girl time. Which reminds me, I’d better get dressed:) One more thing, I am really trying to reach 1000 followers by my birthday in September so help  a girl out. I promise to follow back, it may take me until Sunday to visit and follow back but I will.Do me a favor, leave your site address in your comment.Also, I finally got a button, so please feel free to snag one of those to show your love for The TRUTH about Motherhood! Happy Mothering!

Happily ever after

When I was a little girl, way back before I knew anything, I always imagined life and love to be just like every fairy tale that Disney spoon fed me as a child. It went a little something like this; I’d meet a boy, obviously he would be gorgeous, sensitive and funny. His most redeeming quality, he would recognize my absolute amazingness the moment we met. The relationship would be easy and comfortable but full of passion, almost immediately. He’d propose in some uber romantic way, taking my breath away, naturally. We’d have our huge white wedding, and we’d go off into the sunset and live happily ever after.Simple, right?
Problem is that Disney forgot to provide some key elements of romance and romantic relationships. For instance, jerky boys, unrequited love, how sex influences relationships , crushs, heartache, heartbreak, other women, being at “different” places at different times, falling out of love, realizing that Mr. Right is usually not what you were expecting and that what you expect changes over time, the fact that life happens when you are planning to plan and never when you actaully planned it, love is a series of compromises and there are no winners or losers. Love is just two people trying to coexist in a rhythm, that children change absolutely everything about you, your relationship, and how you view the world. Marriage is hard, lots of work and an evolving situation..its like a ride on a roller coaster but it is totally worth it, with the right person.The last thing Disney forgot to tell us little girls,  maybe the most important part of the story, is that when we ride off into the sunset it is usually the beginning of something and not the end.
I guess I’ve been pretty blessed.I have the great guy but he’s not without his faults. After all, I never saw Prince Charming farting and leaving dirty socks scattered throughout the living room floor. Our relationship was comfortable..after about the 2nd year of marriage. We had the great big white wedding, but it put us into some debt and I was pretty snookered by the time I arrived at the reception. Lesson to my girls: No sleep+ no food+ nerves + alcohol = easily intoxicated bride. We did ride off into the sunset and 11 years, 21 jobs (between the 2 of us) 10 cities, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 7 vehicles, 2 houses, and 2 beautiful children later, we still work daily at our marriage. You really do get out what you put in, so I am all in. Luckily, at the point he and I met, we had learned from previous relationships what to and not to do. We realize what we have is rare and we work to nourish and grow it. In the end, I did get the fairy tale but only because I endured all the reality that comes with a relationship in the real world. My Prince Charming was everything that I never knew I always wanted. That’s the fairy tale that I want my girls to know. If they go out there thinking there is no work and everything just comes to you ( in love or life in general) they will miss out on many great possibilities.